Today, we met with my RE to discuss our next step in the event this FET fails, which is IVF with PGS/PGD.

The appointment was both fascinating and terrifying.

One of the greatest fears, I had when deciding to move on to IVF was that we would go to the last resort of fertility treatments and it wouldn’t work. I discussed the what-ifs at length with my therapist and in the end (obviously) decided it was the right thing to do. Now I’m a few steps away from my ultimate fear becoming realized. Once we start IVF with PGS/PGD, that’s it. We will have gone as far as we can go with fertility treatments. And if it fails, well it will most certainly be the end of the road for us.


A little background on PGS/PGD for those are not familiar with the process:
Up until egg retrieval, the IVF process is identical to a normal IVF cycle. The eggs are fertilized and watched. Those who make it to day 3 will have their zonas (shell) punctured by a laser to create a tiny hole. As the embryos continue to expand, the cells will press against the zona. Those that make it to day 5 and 6 will be start leaking out a few cells through that small hole (see picture above). Those cells will be collected and sent out to a lab. The DNA will be extracted and replicated. Then it will be tested for aneuploidy (1 set of chromosomes) or triploidy (3 sets of chromosomes). A normal embryo should have 2 sets of chromosomes. Once it has been determined which embryos are chromosomally (apparently I’m making up this word) normal, one will be transferred in an FET cycle the following month.

75% of early miscarriages in IVF are due to chromosomal issues. When that issue has been ruled out, if the embryo implants, you have less than a 5% chance of miscarriage. I’ve been on the wrong end of those statistics before, so that’s not quite as reassuring as it may seem.

Here’s the awesome part: a chromosomally (I like this word and I’m going to keep using it… screw you spellcheck) normal embryo transfer has a 65% chance of resulting in a clinical pregnancy! That’s an incredible number.

Now, here comes to scary part.

If after 3 (typically) transfers of chromosomally normal embryos no pregnancy is achieved, it is recommended the woman move on to a gestational carrier as the odds of achieving a clinical pregnancy greatly decrease.

My husband and I have discussed surrogacy as a possible next step should we lose another child in the 2nd/3rd trimester due to the same condition that resulted in us losing Zeke. So the idea itself is not foreign. But the idea that my body could reject pregnancy to the extent that in order to even try to have a baby we would need a gestational carrier… well it’s all very overwhelming. I’m not sure what to think, and to be honest, I’m absolutely terrified.

Please keep sending hope, luck, prayers, good thoughts, baby dust (basically whatever you like best) my way that this FET works and I don’t have to go any deeper into the IVF with PGS process. Thank you all!



“Gestating” has become my husband’s favorite word the last few months. So that’s what I’m busy hopefully doing this week. I’m not going to symptom spot this month like I did last month (we all saw how well that went). Anyway, I’m too busy hacking up a lung to focus on symptoms.

The day of transfer I was concerned about coughing the embryos out (I’m embarassed to admit it’s a fear I haven’t managed to shake).

According to the timeline below, my embryos should have hatched and started the implantation process (see 2dp5dt). Now I’m worried my cough is going to interfere with implantation. I’m totally picturing them trampolining around my uterus thanks to my bouts of coughing. My husband says they’re probably having a blast *ba dum tss*.

What I picture my embryos doing when I cough ;)
Image and video hosting by HilariousGIFs.com

Here’s to hoping these one or two embryos are survivors and have managed to find a nice cozy spot to burrow.

Screen Shot 2014-10-29 at 12.54.17 PMSource: http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer

Well this is fun…

Tonight, I was stupidly embroiled in some drama and one of my comments was taken out of context, screenshotted, and featured on a post about cyber bullying.

This bothers me (more than it probably should). As an active blogger, a loss mom, and a woman struggling with IF, I want to make a couple things clear. I DO NOT condone cyber-bullying. I DO NOT support words of hate. I also DO NOT think it is okay for someone to create a username and attack a trusted/veteran member because their feelings were hurt from a rant born of jealousy.

This is what my taken out-of-context comment seems to imply.

What I do support is a fellow and trusted member of my community. I understand (a little too well) how jealousy can cause hurtful thoughts and words. And I am inclined to believe she meant no actual hate toward this person.

I’ve attempted to explain myself on her blog, but this blogger has decided to block my comment. I guess she prefers to keep my copied comment out-of-context because it strikes her point across better.

I’m saddened by this, but I suppose it’s the risk one bears when joining an online community and posting something on the Internet.

‘Twas the night before transfer…

Tomorrow morning I will be PUPO with twins again (if both embryos survive the thaw). But instead of feeling excited and optimistic, I’m feeling downright pessimistic and unsettled. My dear son has gifted first his father and then me with an upper respiratory infection; no fever, but an awful cough. Both he and I are miserable. Not what I want to be feeling ahead of an ET.

I discussed canceling the transfer with my RE, but she doesn’t seem concerned as long as there is no fever. So I’m proceeding with the transfer, but I feel like it’s doomed before it even starts. Sigh.

And of course, being the idiotic, paranoid IVF patient that I am, I’m convinced I’m going to “cough” the embryos out. As if this whole process isn’t stressful enough on its own!

Wish me luck! I’m going to need boatloads full of it (or for my Babycenter TV ladies reading this, haboobs of it! ;) )

FET #2 – Update

This FET is officially a go!

Lining looked great this morning and I should be starting PIO this week. My RE has to check which dates are available for the FET, but it will be either Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.

Fingers crossed for Monday!

fingers crossed

FET #2 – Second Baseline


Well, today’s appointment did not go as expected.

It went way better.

Over the weekend, I had made my peace with the fact that this cycle was likely going to need to be cancelled. I even had a whole game plan ready:

  • Take Provera to induce a period.
  • Sign all the paperwork for IVF with PGS.
  • Do our mandatory phone consult with the embryologist.
  • Start stims on CD2.
  • Transfer my two remaining frosties 5 days after ER, while my new embryos are busy being tested and frozen.

Instead, my RE took a look at my lining and it looked great. It grew a little (7.1 to 8) but had the clear “triple stripe” they look for to make sure it’s implantation ready. She believes I likely had a clot that my body absorbed, even though I didn’t see anything come out. Because I had to stop my estrogen patches for 3 days, my ovaries took it as an invitation to start growing follicles (I have multiple small follicles on each ovary and at least two that are just under 10mm). I have to increase my patches tonight to 3 instead of 2, to prevent any further maturation, but I think these little follicles are actually helping me because thanks to them I’m producing natural estrogen, in addition to the artificial estrogen I’m receiving from the patches. As a result, this cycle is moving super fast (much faster than last cycle) and I’m going to be picking my transfer date on Monday!!! Woohoo!

Amendment 67 – Have you heard about this?

Today, someone sent me an article that terrified me. Scared the living daylights out of me. Made me want to hide under the covers and scream.

And it’s not even Halloween yet.

The article was about a new “personhood” amendment that according to polls is actually in danger of passing in the state of Colorado.

Luckily, I don’t live in Colorado but as a woman this offends me deeply. As a loss mom, I’m horrified. As a woman suffering from Infertility, I’m incredibly saddened by this amendment and how close it is to passing.

Take a minute, read up and if you feel so inclined, contribute to help women in Colorado fight against this amendment.

Please share, reblog or spread the word in whatever manner you see fit.