Enough already. Pretty please?

The funny part is that no one will care about 99% of the sanctimommy issues / mommy wars bullshit once the kids are older.

I have seen enough Sanctimommy comments in the last week, to last me a lifetime. I don’t know why there are so many right now. Winter? People are home and bored? Good grief.

Feed your kids. Love your kids. Teach them manners. Life is good. :)

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Excuse me while I hemorrhage 

After 16 blissful months, Aunt Flo has made her return. And good gosh, it’s a doozy.

How bad? I was googling using adult diapers for heavy periods. That’s how bad. On the plus side, my googling yielded a magical invention called “period panties”. I will report back on their usefulness.


Last night I went to bed with not one, but THREE thick pads in my underwear. I put a towel under myself just to be safe. Let’s just say, all my sheets (and comforter) are in the wash.


Aunt Flo: 1 Samantha: 0

Update: Apparently bleeding this much is NOT normal (for the record, I’m saturating a super plus tampon in an hour and a half). If it doesn’t taper down by tonight, I have to start Provera to try to reset my hormones. The fun part, 2-3 days after finishing my 10-day regimen of Provera, I will get another period. yay. Keep everything crossed it gets lighter by tonight, pretty please?!

No news is good news

Hello Friends!

I’m sorry I’ve basically disappeared. Life is both eventful and uneventful all at once. I check into WordPress daily to keep up with all my fellow bloggers but I’m sadly much too far behind in updating all of you.

Let’s see. Theo is now 6 months old and the sweetest, smiliest, cuddliest little baby ever. And that’s saying a lot because A was an awesomely happy baby too. He’s rolling all over the place and I fear that crawling isn’t far behind as he’s scooting his butt in the air and dragging his little knees underneath him. Luckily for me, he hasn’t quite figured it out because I’m so not ready for a mobile baby.

He’s become delightfully chubby and he’s developed a lovely bowling ball head, just like his big brother had at that same age (my boys become round all over before eventually growing tall and thin – I love it.) At his 6 month check up, he weighed in at 16lbs 6oz (almost double his birth weight!!!). He has a really good appetite and so far has developed a clear preference for butternut squash over pears and zucchini. I must admit I feel  guilty having pushed breastfeeding over bottle feeding for as long as I did (12 weeks) because literally within a week of bottle feeding he became a different baby. He blossomed. He smiled more. He had more energy to interact with me. He cooed more and just became a generally happier baby. Was I unintentionally starving my baby in my good intention to exclusively breastfeed? These thoughts definitely nag at me when I’m tossing and turning at night. My mantra has become:

Don't Look Back

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Anyway, I’m damn proud of myself for pumping for him and providing breastmilk past six months. But it’s time. I’m finally weaning from the pump now and it’s both blissful and emotional. I have moments of panic and guilt when I question my decision to wean and moments of glee where I want to throw my pump out the window. But my family needs me more than Theo needs breastmilk now. He’s thriving on the formula we’ve been supplementing with, so I know he’ll do just fine.  And I’m trying to focus on that.

I think what’s become magical in the last few months is watching the growing relationship between my two living boys. A is enamored with his little brother and now Theo has discovered A and just loves watching him. The second A looks at, talks to, plays with him, Theo just busts out the biggest smiles. It’s the most beautiful sight in the world when both my boys are cuddling on the playmat. 😍

In other news, I started classes towards my MSW degree. I’ve only taken one class (which I aced, not to toot my own horn or anything 😉) but I really enjoyed it. I’m actually looking forward to resuming classes in January. Each class brings me a little closer to realizing my dream. Being able to provide emotional and mental support to women who have suffered from pregnancy loss and women going through pregnancy after a loss. It will still be several years before I’m officially licensed to practice but with each class, it becomes a little more real. I would never have found my path in life if it hadn’t been for Zeke. I truly believe he was meant to show me the way. It’s a double-edged sword. I hate that I had to lose him to find my way.

Anyway, wishing you all very Happy New Year! I hope 2016 is good to you all and that all your dreams come true.

For Zeke

I miss you every day. 

Not a day has gone by that you haven’t crossed my mind.

Some times it’s just a fleeting thought. 

Other times, like today, Rememberance Day, it’s a longer, more emotional reflection.  

I wish I could see you become the wonderful man I’m sure you would have been. 

Mommy misses you so much my sweet boy. 

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Hey guys,

If you have a Facebook or Twitter, consider using this twibbon to change your profile picture to #pinkandblue, to help raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss, for the entire duration of the month of October. You can access the link by clicking on the picture below.

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3 months and updates!

I know I’ve been neglecting you dearly my blogger friends.

Every day, I wake up with the best of intentions and then the day just gets away from me. These first few months, time feels like sand slipping through my fingers. It’s going by way too fast.

So here are all the things happening in my life.

He started Pre-K earlier this month. It’s been a challenging adjustment for us all. He’s been doing remarkably well and seems to be enjoying himself. However, he has recently hit a brick wall of exhaustion from the cumulative loss of sleep due to his new school schedule, and when he’s home we’re all suffering from it. He’s become a real pill. These are the days where in my mind I’m saying: “I love you but I really don’t like you right now,” and desperarely want to follow up bedtime with: “one alcohol please!”

Reflux, Breastfeeding & Weight gain
I won’t lie. There have been many tears involved with this one. Last time I updated you guys we were dealing with some weight gain issues which we assumed were due to his reflux. Turns out, it may not have been the reason after all. Zantac seemed to help for a while but he still wasn’t gaining weight and having a couple days here and there with bad spitting. So we changed him to Prevacid. That did the trick and calmed his spit-up. After three consecutive days with zero spit-up, I was so excited to weigh him, expecting a stellar weight gain. Instead, I was severely disappointed (and worried) to see he has only gained 2 oz in 10 days. I started to suspect the problem was with breastfeeding. I called my lactation consultant and she talked me through a game plan to see if we could pinpoint the exact issue. First, she had me pump for a full day to make sure it wasn’t a supply issue. 24oz later, though I’m no cow, my supply is fine. Next, we weighed him after the full day of bottle-feeding. Nice weight jump, which rules out milk quality issues. Phew! Next we weaned him from the nipple shield and started to do weighted feeds. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. The problem is a milk-transfer issue. The milk is there but for some reason, Theo can’t access enough of it. After attempting to trouble shoot with two different LCs, I was referred to a speech therapist at my local hospital to do a feeding evaluation. I can’t even begin to tell you how I had pinned my hopes and dreams on this appointment being able to “fix” our problem. Unfortunately/Fortunately, Theo aced that exam. His mouth looks great (no ties) and his suck/swallow pattern is fine. But, he clearly gets frustrated at the breast because he wants more milk and can’t get it. He’s expending too many calories nursing and not taking in enough. We leave that appointment with a recommendation to stop nursing and to bottle feed. That made for a heartbroken mama, who fought tooth and nail for breastfeeding to work so that I wouldn’t end up exactly where I am now, chained to a pump like a dairy cow.
I’m quickly reaching that point where my sanity and my family is suffering from it and I’m preparing to start dropping pumps soon-ish and move on to formula.

He’s 3 months old today. What?! When did he get so big??? He’s so wonderful. He’s just the happiest, smiliest boy. He’s an amazing sleeper and I’m one blessed and proud mom. Not much else to say about him. He’s worth every ounce of anxiety and fear to have him here.

Outside of family, life has been a bit stressful recently. Finances have become very tight temporarily and that makes things awfully stressful. We’ve made some pretty big decisions as a result, one of which involves moving. But instead of focusing on the bad of leaving the only home I’ve ever known (New York City), I’m focusing on the silver lining (building my dream house).

That’s pretty much it. Hugs to everyone!

8 weeks old + reflux

Time for an update. I cannot believe my little man is 8 weeks old today! 

Life has been really good overall. 

Theo started smiling a week and a half ago and each smile feels like a beautiful gift.

He also sleeps like a champ. We consistently get a 6 hour stretch, followed by a 3-4 hour one. So no complaints there. 

The biggest hurdle we’re facing has been reflux. Man was I lucky to not have to deal with it with my first. 

Theo is what they call a “happy spitter” in that his reflux doesn’t seem to cause him too much discomfort. We were hoping to avoid medications as his liver had already worked overtime to clear the Jaundice. Unfortunately, the reflux has interfered with his weight gain so we had to start him on Zantac. Zantac has definitely improved the amount of spit up but he’s still struggling to gain weight. He went from 8 lbs. 5 oz. to 8 lbs. 7 oz. in 8 days. Clearly that’s not enough weight. Once we started him on the Zantac he went up to 8 lbs. 10 oz. five days later. Then he lost some of that weight during the week after several bad spit up incidents and regained the weight by Monday. 

We swapped out the Zantac for an alcohol free version and hopefully he keeps that down a little bit better as alcohol can be an irritant. Otherwise, we now have a prescription for Prevacid if he doesn’t start gaining weight faster.

Wish us some good weight gain before his next appointment in two weeks!

Would you…

Share a picture of you bloody breastmilk on Facebook? 

A friend of my husband’s did and to be perfectly honest I was horrified. 

I’m all for sharing beautiful and tasteful breastfeeding photos. 

But bloody breast milk? Um no thanks. 😷

Warning: controversial post ahead

Okay. I have something I need to get off my chest.

It physically hurts my heart when I see women beat themselves for needing/using formula to feed their kiddos.

Formula is not evil. You’re not condemning your child to a sub-par adult life by giving them formula.

With the right nurturing and a lot of love, I can assure you, your child will thrive, no matter what he was fed as a baby.

I’m not arguing against the “breast is best” slogan, because clearly breastmilk is generally the perfect food for your child. However, the proper slogan should be: “feeding your child is best”.

Mamas, please, I implore you, do what you need to do to stay sane and happy and to keep your little ones safe and healthy.

Always remember: